More bad news = my world didn't fall apart

Success.. at least a little.

OK- it's not ideal that I got yet another round of bad news today. 

It's not ideal that it has to do with money.

It's not ideal that it made my heart sink to the bottom of my toes.

But it is ideal that I wasn't shaken.

Usually, when I get any bad news at all lately about anything, I fall apart.

Mentally, I start having anxiety about whatever my mind

can grasp onto, blowing the smallest of troubles into monumental struggles.

Spiritually, I ask "Really, God. Are you not listening AT ALL?!?"

Relationally, I take it out on every one I know either by silence, 

withdrawal or with a short and hot temper that burns.

Just this morning I was singing this phrase over and over again in my mind:

"I will put my trust in you
                                        
I will put my hope there too
                        
I will stand up on your word
                  
And I will not be shaken"

So this mantra gets tested today.

I celebrate this, what may seem minor to most, 

HUGE victory in my spirit.

A visible change in spirit makes for undeniable changes in my actions.

Do I believe or do I just claim these verses that supposedly get me

 through my days of uncertainty and weak faith? 

Today I believed and it's slowly getting into my spirit and

 making me understand that continual repeated words of truth 

over my life have a profound effect on the way I handle 

the small set-backs and the major upheavals.

I will not be shaken.

Yes, a lump was in my throat at first and my eyes seemed

 a little watery but  I didn't give over to distress and "what if's".

I am finding a bit of truth even now to claim and believe:

Psalm 121:1-2

Where does my help come from? My help comes

 from the Lord the maker of Heaven and Earth.

 Psalm 16:8

I have set the LORD always before me. 
 Because he is at my right hand, 

I will not be shaken.

Working it out..

After talking with a friend last night at Bible study about different aspects of God’s character not easily being balanced in our Human brains, I started thinking more and more about this: the various and oh-so-confusing characteristics of God which sometimes just seem to contradict themselves!

So I asked God to give me wisdom about the situation

as I try to reconcile the two for myself because this is something I often struggle with.

So this is me, along with you trying to negotiate these two very different views and somehow truly understand, as much as I am able in my human mind, the character of my Redeemer.

He’s a perfect mix of everything.

A God of order. The Beginning and the End. The Perfector of my [sometimes weak] faith!

When thinking of God and my sin

God’s word says we were born into Adam and into sin…

The wages of sin is death — (Romans 6:23)

To pay the penalty for these sins (so we don’t have to) a sacrifice can be made, in the OT a blood sacrifice was required (Leviticus 4:35; 5:10)

But when this death penalty is paid, our sins have been totally removed from us — they don’t count anymore (Psalms 103:12)

That with Christ it was finished (John 19:30) He was the ultimate sacrifice (1 Timothy 2:6) — your sins were forgiven.

So what about God and the consequences?

Reaping what you sow is a completely different aspect, in my opinion.

For SURE God has the power to reverse all the effects of sin and death in my life at any given time. But we as Christians sometimes still make mistakes (which are already forgiven!) but the rule still stands, You reap what you sow.

What about God’s judgement?

Well I have nothing on my own to write. So I went to what is irrefutably correct

Romans 8:1 Therefore there is not no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.

Eph 2:3-5 (NIV) ...Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.

Rom 2:4 (LB) Don't you realize how patient he is being with you: Or don't you care? Can't you see that he has been waiting all this time without punishing you, to give you time to turn from your sin? His kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.

Rom 2:4 Are you, perhaps, misinterpreting God's generosity and patient mercy towards you as weakness on his part? Don't you realize that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?

2 Pet 3:15 Think of the Lord's patience as your opportunity to be saved.

1 Tim 5:24 Remember that some men's faults are obvious, and are equally obviously bringing them to judgment. The sins of other men are not apparent, but are dogging them, nevertheless, under the surface.

Job 33:27-30 ..."I sinned and perverted what was right, but I did not get what I deserved. He redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, and I will live to enjoy the light of life." God does all these things to a man--twice, even three times--to turn back his soul from the pit, that the light of life may shine on him."

Prov 28:13 (NIV) He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Luke 6:37-38 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."

Galatians 6:7-8: "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting."

So if you sin, it will naturally work its course in your life. There will be consequences.

It's not a punishment or a curse. And according to what I read in scripture it tells me that I can never sin big enough to block out his grace and blessings in my life. It’s not like he’s up there waiting to judge me for not following his ways to a T. I should strive to do so through the Holy Spirit’s power though.

I looked for things under the "new covenant" that was about retribution and punishment and rules etc.

And I found some things but most of them are not about him doing away with the God of the Old Testament or the laws that it had but to fulfill it and make a way for us to actually be able to follow his laws and guidelines

‘Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to FULFILL.” Matt. 5:17

a blog I read put it like this:

"Jesus came to teach us how we could live the Ten Commandments in a new way. He came to renew the meaning of the Old Law and provide us with new understanding."

What about God and Grace?

He chastens those he loves but there is there a period of Grace to those who are “partakers in Grace”/ Christians?

I was thinking that maybe it's like an Ameren bill..if you don't pay on time, you have a grace period where you are covered. . Anytime in that period you can pay and not be penalized. What if God's chastening is sort of the same way? The grace period being a time when the Holy Spirit convicts you of your sin and is trying to lead you to repentance. Being his children I know that we have full access to his grace. No matter when! We are covered (Romans 5:2). But when we sin we still have to repent not for salvation but to remove anything that is blocking or hindering in our relationship with God. If we don’t confess then we reap the consequences of our actions both in the spiritual realm, stalled growth in our faith or spiritual regression. We oftentimes see results in the earthly realm: strained relationships, misunderstandings, offense, hypocrisy, negative attitudes. Of course, all of this time we are still saved, still redeemed, still loved. (He chastens those he LOVES) and we always have the opportunity to start over with a “zero balance”, asking for his complete restoration in our relationship with him and in our relationship with others.

I often think

“God sure loves me extravagantly and can't stop thinking about how awesome of a new creation I am, he wants to lavish his love, grace, mercy, redemption on me”

{In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:7-8}

Also…. there is also now NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus..

I Love Romans 8!

I looked up condemnation in my Key Word Study Bible and it means “no adjudging guilty of wrong.”

I also thought of the verse in 1 John that says perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment. So we weren't really talking about fear per se last night but this verse implies that punishment has no place in perfect love (the love of Jesus Christ). Fear of punishment on the Day of Judgment, fear of punishment in daily life etc. He took my punishment for every sin I have committed or will commit. I am to be punished no more.

I also read this:

“Once the sins of the people had been paid for by the blood of an innocent sacrifice — they were completely forgiven AND forgotten by God.

The Psalmist writes in 103:12 (NASB):

"As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

That was in Psalms. Even in the Old Testament God was showing Grace to his believers! So I have a hard time believing he waits to punish me for my sin. Instead his Spirit is grieved and leads me to repent so I won't reap the consequences of my actions.

Christ died on the cross as the once and for all “payment” for ALL the sins of the world. Your sin, my sin, the world’s sin, past, present AND future! Your debt was paid by Christ’s blood.

"It is finished"

So the question to myself is:

Am I going to believe the Bible, God’s Word or my feelings?

I have to believe God’s words.

I know this.

There MUST be a perfect mix of Law and Grace because he came to fulfill the law with his grace to us.

This is just how I am working it out in my brain.

I may never figure it all out. But I have to believe every word that is in this book.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, 

       for his compassions never fail.

 They are new every morning; 

       great is your faithfulness.

  I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; 

       therefore I will wait for him."

  The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, 

       to the one who seeks him;

  it is good to wait quietly 

       for the salvation of the LORD.

 It is good for a man to bear the yoke 

       while he is young.

  Let him sit alone in silence, 

       for the LORD has laid it on him.

  Let him bury his face in the dust— 

       there may yet be hope.

  Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, 

       and let him be filled with disgrace.

  For men are not cast off 

       by the Lord forever.

  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, 

       so great is his unfailing love.

  For he does not willingly bring affliction 

       or grief to the children of men.

Lamentations 3:22-33

Boo for the big G

“Who gossips to you, will gossip of you” 

Sad Realization #4 that  I had today:

If this  quote is true then I am probably being talked about more than I thought.

ahh geeze.

What do you do when conversation with a friend or a family member turns to other's affairs and speculations about other  people?

As much as I would love to say that I am the one who is quick to recognize and shut it down ASAP, I'm not her..YET.

I recognize it- whether it's me starting it or listening to it..and oftentimes I just try to pretend it's not considered "gossip".  We  rationalize it as "concern" or somehow we think we have this right to psycho analyze people in front of others (or at all). I've never really seen this turn out well. 

Then there's that moment when one or both of you in the middle of the "concerned" conversation realizes what's being said and it turns awkward.

Unless you never acknowledge what's going on then more damage is invariably done but mostly to you.

By entertaining it you certainly communicate that it's acceptable.

A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:12-13).

 After the above  quote hit me in the face today I thought

a. I don't like being speculated about

b. people judging me isn't my favorite

so..

c. I need to shut it down as soon as it happens/ don't let it happen  and treat others as I would like to be treated per the Golden Rule in the Bible.

It's not an honoring or becoming  thing to be the one who fishes for details in "unique" ways or assesses others negatively, who can't keep secrets or who is prone to speculate about other's lives, motives or hearts. 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29).

Eek!

I don't want to be that woman..

The one who can'be be trusted because her mouth is always running. But rather one who is an example of encouragement and joyful words.

{Joy...that's another post. It's something I am working on- 

In His presence there is JOY forevermore}

Many friendships have been ruined over a misunderstanding that started with gossip. My friendships are too precious for this!

Those who guard their tongues keep themselves from calamity (Proverbs 21:23). 

Center stage

Here we are at yet another crossroads. 

Atleast I think so.

Maybe it's an intermission.

That's what I will call it, an "Intermission".

EVERYTHING is up in the air.

We have had a great first act. Excitement, adventure, drama and lots of comedy. Thankfully no tragedies. I know there is something else coming- a second half. But who even knows what's it's going to be. I didn't read the book on my life before I started acting in the play.

Let me go back in time..

My husband, John and I moved 3 1/2 years ago.

He had just ended his active duty military service to the Marine Corps and it was time to move back to the Midwest. Mainly because we missed our families but also because we couldn't afford living in the valley of California, as dreamy as it was. Seriously it was one of our favorite places either of us has ever been let alone, lived. Palm Springs, Joshua Tree. We loved it. Not everyone does. The Desert suited us.

So we came to a small town where we knew no one, had no family, and were completely clueless as to why we were lead here.

But we believe that we were lead here -by God. Although knowing and feeling= 2 completely different processes!

The reasons for us being here have slowly come into focus and we have been more content (we've felt it) in the past year than the preceding 2.  John has finished his bachelors degree in just 3 1/2 years. I am super proud of him and his accomplishment. For someone who loathed high school and anything to do with school, his report cards now grace our refrigerator with bright shiny A's. He is a hard worker. This blesses my heart. We have been involved in a wonderful church, have shared our lives with wonderful friends, and have grown together as a couple in countless ways.

ALSO:

We will officially be out of the USMC in 5 days. This means no more obligations, trainings, discounts, privileges, titles or special ID cards.. But you know how this goes :"Once a Marine, Always a Marine. " John sometimes calls cadence to the cats still. It keeps it fresh in his mind. 

They still won't call him Sergeant though.

I digress.

My job, which was a total obvious provision of God on our behalf, will be ending in September.

The CBAE grant that funded it was revoked by the "current administration" so unfortunately this also means, my current job is also revoked. Boo for that.

This is all part of a perfect design though.

Of this I am sure.

There are tons of uncertainties in our lives at present (isn't everything always uncertain though?).

Will we find jobs here in this not so economically thriving town?

Is it time for us to move on?

Is it time for us to MOVE? Oooh, moving without packers and movers? That sounds fun ( and like every 2 years of my life growing up).

Where would we go?

Where do we look?

Do we go? Do we look?

Do we want to stay here?

In many ways, YES! we do! But the unrest and restlessness we feel could be for a reason..

We aren't attached to any particular place geographically. 

We could travel and be contracted in Iraq (John has always wanted to do this, our families may not be so hip to the idea)

We could pick up and leave.  Move by college friends. Live in another state. 

 OR We could stick it out and wait..

wait..

wait..

A friend shared this with me today:

Sometimes there  is a season of nothing before a season of everything.  Are we going to stand in the quiet or will we jump too soon?  

As I blogged a bout a few weeks ago..I think it's time to sit and be quiet and just wait.

My Bible study chapters have been about being a support and not saying or doing too much to hinder the communication between my husband and I or between God and myself. Just let God do the work.

Hello, God!? Don't you know I'm a planner!? As much as I like to fly by the seat of my pants, it's usually planned flying.

God replies : I AM the planner. Get over it. 

Literally. It just so happened that I am trying something new this month. Praying the names of God. The first one on the list last night: I AM.

 I AM... all sufficient. i am not. He is.

All of Him is more than enough for all of me ,for every thirst and every need..

In the past I have felt like these quiet seasons and times without direction or without foreseeable provision meant God was not moving, not around, lurking in the spiritual corridors or off taking care of more pressing matters.

Oh, contraire! I am finding that it means he is even more at work than usual. Doing all of the behind the scenes orchestration and ironing out the kinks. So that when it's show time..it will indeed be SHOW TIME.  His show time.  

Oh, but alas, I think I have mistakingly taken the lead in a role that is not mine..

Friend #2 sent this scripture to me recently:

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
       the name of the LORD is to be praised.

  The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
       his glory above the heavens.

  Who is like the LORD our God,
       the One who sits enthroned on high,

 who stoops down to look
       on the heavens and the earth?

  He raises the poor from the dust
       and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

  he seats them with princes,
       with the princes of their people.

  He settles the barren woman in her home
       as a happy mother. Praise the Lord.

(Psalm 113: 3-9)

It's all about his glory. His fame.

Not about my timing. My issues.

Friend #3 offered these encouraging words from A.W. Tozer:

Unbelief says, “Some other time, but not now; some other place, but not here; some other people, but not us.” Faith says, “Anything He did anywhere else He will do here; anything He did any other time He is willing to do now; anything He ever did for other people He is willing to do for us!” 

So this is me- switching places with God. I will go back to the corridors and try my  little hardest to stand in the quiet and get ready for my role in the Season of Everything.   Let him be center stage while he provides, while he directs and I will remain certain, even though some days I don't feel it that HE IS [always center stage].

(p.s.- I am grateful for friends 1,2 & 3 who encourage me along the way.. I don't know that there is anything as precious as one who intentionally encourages and loves on you during the these seasons)