Waiting

I've started reading Andrew Murray's book Waiting on God.

I am only 4 days into it. But I love it. I don't think I could have started reading it at a better time in life than right now. I've had it for months and every time I see it on the shelf I say to myself, "Missy, you should read this. You need to be learning how to wait well"

After Monday Night Group I decided to just starting it. We have been talking about living intentionally and with goals, seeking after knowledge in areas God has placed on our hearts.

I really recommend the study by Elizabeth George, A Woman After God's Own Heart. She has so many amazing ideas about living life intentionally and making changes to best serve God during every season of life. She recommended starting 5 fat files. 5 topics you want to invest your time and energy into for and eternal purpose.

One of my files is going to be Contentment/Waiting on God. It's something I have learned a lot about personally in the last year. It's not something I am perfected in yet! I started filling my file with info by reading this book, Waiting on God. So far, I am flooded with amazing insights by Andrew Murray about waiting patiently and expectantly on our God.

Some things he said that were inspiring to me, I hope are encouraging to you as well:

"Once a believer begins to see it and consent to it- that he just , by the Holy Spirit, each moment receive what God each moment works- waiting on God  becomes his brightest hope and joy."

"God unceasingly giving and working and His child unceasingly waiting and receiving; this is the blessed life."

In chapter 2

"We hinder Him either by our indifference or by our self- effort, so that He cannot do what He wants to do."

*that is what I have been thinking about lately. I felt very indifferent last week but then I felt that the only other option was for me to be doing things to make things work out. This week I feel more balanced in that sense.

" There can be no good but what God works. To wait upon God, and have the heart filled with faith in His working, and in that faith to pray for His mighty power to come down, is our only wisdom, Oh, for the eyes of our heart to be opened to see God working in ourselves and in others."

"Our private and public prayers are our chief expressions of our relationship to God"

Chapter 3

"Let us resolve at once that it will be the one characteristic of our life and worship, a continual, humble, truthful waiting upon God. We may rest assured that He who made us for Himself, that He might give Himself to us and in us, that He will never disappoint us, In waiting on Him, we will find rest and joy and strength, and the supply of every need."

Then Chapter 4. I would have to write the entire chapter down.

That chapter "pulled my card" so to speak. :)

Get the book and read it! It's a month long devotional. Each chapter is 2-3 pages long and is packed with knowledge and wisdom. I look forward to reading it everyday.

Anyway, I am learning more and am finding myself more and more desperate for our lives to be changing soon. But I wait.

The Psalm I read today was Psalm 25. Coincidence? I think not.

UNTO YOU, O Lord, do I bring my life.    O my God, I trust, lean on, rely on, and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or [my hope in You] be disappointed; let not my enemies triumph over me.


    Yes, let none who trust and wait hopefully and look for You be put to shame or be disappointed; let them be ashamed who forsake the right or deal treacherously without cause.


    Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths.


    Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You [You only and altogether] do I wait [expectantly] all the day long.


    Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercy and loving-kindness; for they have been ever from of old.


    Remember not the sins (the lapses and frailties) of my youth or my transgressions; according to Your mercy and steadfast love remember me, for Your goodness' sake, O Lord.


    Good and upright is the Lord; therefore will He instruct sinners in [His] way.
    He leads the humble in what is right, and the humble He teaches His way.


    All the paths of the Lord are mercy and steadfast love, even truth and faithfulness are they for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
   For Your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my iniquity and my guilt, for [they are] great.


    Who is the man who reverently fears and worships the Lord? Him shall He teach in the way that he should choose.


    He himself shall dwell at ease, and his offspring shall inherit the land.
   
 The secret [of the sweet, satisfying companionship] of the Lord have they who fear (revere and worship) Him, and He will show them His covenant and reveal to them its [deep, inner] meaning.^(A)


    My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net.
    [Lord] turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
    The troubles of my heart are multiplied; bring me out of my distresses.
    


    Consider my enemies, for they abound; they hate me with cruel hatred.
    O keep me, Lord, and deliver me; let me not be ashamed or disappointed, for my trust and my refuge are in You.


    Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for and expect You.
    Redeem Israel, O God, out of all their troubles.

   

Risen and standing upright

 A friend of mine, Janet, gave me an Amplified Bible recently. I LOVE it.
I love other Bibles too but this one really helps me, explains words in context, as I read
Today I read this.


Psalm 20




 ¹MAY THE Lord answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of the God of Jacob set you up on high [and defend you];

    ²Send you help from the sanctuary and support, refresh, and strengthen you from Zion;

    ³Remember all your offerings and accept your burnt sacrifice. Selah [pause, and think of that]!

    ⁴May He grant you according to your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans.

I found it a bit ironic as I have not been reading my Bible for the past week for some reason, that the verses I picked were these. 

Because indeed as I read just a few short verses, I was feeling supported, refreshed and strengthened I can't say that I am in a "day of trouble" or anything but I know if I was, He'd be there. Because on an ordinary, regular day, I felt these very things the moment I started reading.Hmm what about that.

    ⁵We will [shout in] triumph at your salvation and victory, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.

    ⁶Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand.

    ⁷Some trust in and boast of chariots and some of horses, but we will trust in and boast of the name of the Lord our God.

not only did this remind me of the sweet 80's/90's praise song sung by Steve Green, but it reminded me of how I need to be trusting in nothing but the name of my Jesus for my provisions, salvation and desires. Nothing else. Nothing.

   

    ⁸They are bowed down and fallen, but we are risen and stand upright.

    ⁹O Lord, give victory; let the King answer us when we call.

I am so thankful that He does answer. After a week-long spiritually dry spell per my own doing, I was reminded immediately of His faithfulness in my every season as soon as I made the step to meet Him in His Word. Whether I am faithful or not, he meets me again. The verse,

James 4:8 Draw near to him and he will draw near to you, was real today.  His Word always refreshes me, blesses me and inspires me to want more and follow harder after him. I have risen and am standing upright again,for today, by His mercy.

When my heart is overwhelmed

Hear my cry, O God;  

Attend to my prayer.  

From the end of the earth I will cry to You,

When my heart is overwhelmed;  

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  

For you have been my refuge,

 a strong tower against the foe.

 I long to dwell in your tent forever

  and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

(Psalm 61:1-4)

There are many things that overwhelm me. Thoughts of my future, possibilities that may or may not happen, relationship statuses. My mind can turn quickly from a truth filled well into an overwhelmed mess depending on what I am spending time thinking on.  I want my first instinct to be to think of Jesus and his life, the Words of God in the Bible and not my state of helplessness, hopelessness and frailty.

If I have learned anything in the last year it's that to truly be helped, hopeful and strong I must be familiar with His Words so much so that they are the FIRST things that pop into my mind in a time of celebration and especially in times of trouble.

The past 11 months have been roller coaster-ish for me. Some times the dips are severe and sometimes the turns leave me dizzy and sick feeling but everytime I come nearer to hope I long for more. The ride is hard. It's not always comfortable but it always ends in me being closer to God. The flips and the flops of my emotional state can really leave me feeling spiritually confused and not wanting to stand but when God turns me right to where I should be I feel grateful for those ups and downs. ONLY by his Word, though, do I find comfort. Through His Word, I find Him sooner and He ends the dizzying effects of my fleshly emotions about life.  What  should I feel when God doesn't answer my prayers that are full of faith and proclaiming his Word? I learn to have more faith. It is GOOD for me. I am learning more. I move from theoretical faith to real life faith. 

My hope is from Him. I shall not be shaken. He is my rock. My strength. My refuge.

Everything is for his Glory and not for my comfort.

I encourage you to watch this video if you have time. It's sad. It's inspiring and it's a real testimony of people who  lived this out on a much higher level than I am! It's worth a watch!

Peace

I don't get the logic behind certain spiritual or physical attacks. I know that my enemy is pretty annoyed at me right now because now, more than ever, I am pursuing my God. I am pursuing His word and falling more deeply in love with Him more than ever. At the same time, I am also trying for a baby, trying to be healthier, trying to take care of this every dying shell of a body, this temporary home my soul is living in.
But my body seems to be falling apart or "under attack".
Who knows if it's a direct attack on me or if it's just signs of aging and other weirdness that goes on with one's natural body. I do know it's super annoying and can be a huge distraction. It can have me on the brink of anxiety and can take up room in my brain that is needed for other much more profitable things.


 L o v i n g


N u r t u r i n g.


 M i n i s t e r i n g. 


H e l p i n g. 


L a u g h i n g.


 L o v i n g. 


E n c o u r a g i n g. 


C o n s i d e r i n g.


E n j o y i n g.


My body obessessions go back a long way but more recently, in the past couple of years, I've grown very at ease with my appearance and my body type. I won't say that  I am in love with my body, that would be strange I think but I can say that I don't spend countless hours a day obsessing over my looks anymore. This is a battle that was miraculously won for me. Thank you, God. Through the loving words and actions of an adoring husband, encouragement from friends and by me becoming more acquainted with His word about my life, my thoughts, me being a beautiful creation- My mind has been transformed.  10 years ago this seemed  
 I M P O S S I B L E.


all things are possible with Him..


However, I am on the brink of something called aging. Ack!
Aches and pains, weird little lines in my face, grey hairs and weird body fat distribution. Gravity. No

t something I am entirely grateful for in a bodily sense.


With aging comes the weirdest things. I am by no means "old" but I am feeling now, more than ever, the impermanence of youth. Although I am sure one day in the future I will look back longingly on these "afflictions" reminiscing about how light they truly were. I am not obessed anymore with something so trivial and passing. But old habits die hard and I can see when I am beginning to see Satan use this old vice to consume my thoughts and distract me from my Jesus.




King Solomon said this :
beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!


and  


A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30


So  what if I don't look like so and so or have the vitality, or few signs of stretching, aging and gravity. Does it matter? A heart at peace..this is my desire.
To be at peace with my circumstances.
To be at peace with my relationships.
To be at peace that God is always moving even though I may not be able to detect it straight away.
To be at peace with the end results of my efforts.
To be at peace.
Pursue peace


Seek peace and pursue it...
Psalm 34:14


So I need to be at peace with this body. One battle at a time.
My body image is supremely better than it used to be. Battle won.
But the fights not over.


Letting God fight my battles physically and spiritually for me is the best plan :)



May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in HIM, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Using my mind to glorify God ..


Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God...
1 Corinthians 6:19-20



I will be anxious for nothing but I will with thanksgiving make my request known to God and realize that he is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that I dare ask or think in this body of mine so that I am able to overflow with hope by His power.


He will keep me in perfect peace when my mind is resting on Him.

Inspired today by these:


For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.
Hebrews 10:36


Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5


You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
John 14:14


This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.
1 John 5:14



For though we walk (live) in the flesh, we are not carrying on our warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons.
    For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,
    [Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One),
    Being in readiness to punish every [insubordinate for his] disobedience, when your own submission and obedience [as a church] are fully secured and complete.
2 Corinthians 10:3-6

 Psalm 37:3-5

 "Trust in the Lord and do good;

Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord;

and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him, and He will do it."

He gives and He gives

In Hosea it says that MY PEOPLE are destroyed for a lack of knowledge. His people.. not the lost.

So I don’t want to be one of the saved walking in what I think is OK but who is mentally, spiritually and physically destroyed on this earth because of my lack of knowledge. And I am learning knowledge comes from the Word of God. I want to walk in spiritual abundance all the days of my life.

So faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. So I’m trying to dig in to the Word to get some answers about this topic and it is increasing my faith.

I am trying to base my thoughts on His words. Which are truth, life, marrow to my bones, breath to my body, healing and wisdom. His words are inherently true my thoughts on the other hand could be a bit off so hopefully HE shines through and not so much me.

After I read that verse in Deuteronomy 7, which I have been doing alot lately, (“ If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the LORD your God will keep his covenant of love with you, as he swore to your forefathers. 13 He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, etc.”) I wondered how that applies to us since it’s the law and we are free from the law.

Because I’ve heard ,the OT is not for us because we are not under law”

I disagree. ( “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness)

Or maybe they think that those promises are just for the people it was written for at that time. But I know that those promises are for me so I supposed until recently, that the contingencies and curses (mentioned in Deuteronomy 28) that applied to those promises were for me too. I mean I KNEW they weren’t but I was living like they were. My mindset has been wrong. I am super guilty of not walking in the faith and grace that I proclaim to love so much. This is changing though.

So I looked into it Janet and Jesus style. (Janet is my spiritual mentor)

Janet pointed this out in Galatians 3 :13-17

¹³Christ purchased our freedom [redeeming us] from the curse (doom) of the Law [and its condemnation] by [Himself] becoming a curse for us, for it is written [in the Scriptures], Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree (is crucified);^(F)
14To the end that through [their receiving] Christ Jesus, the blessing [promised] to Abraham might come upon the Gentiles, so that we through faith might [all] receive [the realization of] the promise of the [Holy] Spirit.
¹⁵To speak in terms of human relations, brethren, [if] even a man makes a last will and testament (a merely human covenant), no one sets it aside or makes it void or adds to it when once it has been drawn up and signed (ratified, confirmed).
¹⁶Now the promises (covenants, agreements) were decreed and made to Abraham and his Seed (his Offspring, his Heir). He [God] does not say, And to seeds (descendants, heirs), as if referring to many persons, but, And to your Seed (your Descendant, your Heir), obviously referring to one individual, Who is [none other than] Christ (the Messiah).^(G)
17This is my argument: The Law, which began 430 years after the covenant [concerning the coming Messiah], does not and cannot annul the covenant previously established (ratified) by God, so as to abolish the promise and make it void.^(H)

Aha! We are joint heirs for the benefits and promises of God but are free from the curse!

I get the good stuff from the OT and the grace and awesomeness of Grace.

If I don’t do something just right, God isn’t with holding the blessing and the promise from me. I am under his grace and while my sins can give Satan a foothold in the hedge God has about me, it can never separate me from the fact that I am always going to be a child of God and thus a receiver of all things good and perfect from him. And curses and retribution are not for believers.

He doesn’t just take the blessing away.

Fear can though. Fear is the opposite of faith. It binds faith’s hands. We need to be aware that our enemy is actively involved in our affairs and is looking for our fears because they are such an open invitation to him to reek havoc!

Satan = killing and destroying. Jesus = life abundant and everlasting.

So I asked Janet what did she make of what Job said, “My God gives and takes away” She pointed out that Job said that out of great and utter despair. It also says in Job that what Job feared most came upon him. His fears were the open door to attack. He was making unneeded sacrifices everyday for his children just in case they screwed up or sinned. They were big kids. But he was in fear about what their sins may do to them. It seems that instead of claiming the protection of God after the first sacrifice, he continued to beseech God on behalf of them in fear. So naturally since he didn’t have the faith to grasp the protection of God for his children and feared that they would be destroyed, he gave a huge open door to Satan.

And out of Jesus’ mouth comes this. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

Romans 16 says he is the giver of peace.

So then I was thinking about how it seemed that at the drop of a hat God was wanting to kill people in the Old Testament. What's so different now? But then I remembered: Law vs. Grace.

Our retribution and punishments are taken away even if I sin after I have accepted him. My sin will separate me from intamcy with him but cannot “unsave” me because as I gather it, it would mean his grace was NOT enough and wasn’t sufficient for me the first time He gave it to me.

And what about the thought that God can and will take any blessing whenever he wants? ( I suppose this is a lot like Job freaking out continually about the unknown possibilities?)

I have always thought “he’s God he can do whatever he wants even if that means making me miserable for the rest of my life” kind of like he’s the big bad all powerful teacher just waiting to catch someone cheating and thus show them who’s boss.

But his character is all good. All love. Perfect and not lacking.

He is the same God as I had in the Old Testament – He hasn’t changed. The covenant has changed. And it’s all about his grace. Eek!

This means I get things that I absolutely don’t deserve. This means that I receive spiritual blessings and revelations that I don’t deserved. This means that I get to walk by faith and not by sight and that even if I don’t do things just right, he still loves me as much as he ever has and forgives me freely.

It’s impossible for us to be without some type of sin at all times. Some sins will seem greater because they have a longer lasting and more damaging effect on us and others. But then there are the other everyday sins, bad attitudes, slander, not submitting to authority, thinking bad thoughts, speaking before you think and hurting another’s feelings, and the list goes on.

I am finally figuring out that I am always going to be sinning. NOT because I want to be but because it’s my nature. We’d all be dead if we were going by the OT! Dang. Reading the menstrual laws alone are intense!! And what about all of the curses in Dueteronomy 28? Geesh. So glad I'm not included in that!!

Thank God for grace .

Thank God for being Good.

Thank God for being Love.

Thank God for being Perfect.

To kill, destroy, withhold and trick seems that it would be contradictory to his commands and that’s not our God.

My brain hurts.

In 2 Corinthians 2:11

Paul says we are not to be ignorant of Satan’s devices. HE is always looking for a foothold to attack our faith. And if he can attack our faith he can attack the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not yet seen. And that is everything to the believer!

I. Hate. Fear.

The disciples also tried to grasp this idea of sin and consequences too:

John 9:1-3 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. ²His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"

³"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

God said it wasn't about someone else’s sin.

It was about HIS glory being displayed.

There is SOOOO much that I don’t understand but I am beginning to get that he is nothing but perfect and awesome, good and love. Anything else is not of him.

So this is me, in the process of laying down the thought that

If I do something just right, then this will happen

or if I mess up I'm going to pay.

That's karma. I don't believe in that.

Accepting and living in this grace and freedom is harder than I thought.

It's a daily process of surrender..