I am having an overwhelmed moment.
Well, an overwhelmed couple of weeks.
The things that I am overwhelmed about are not fixable by stepping away and chilling out.
They aren't solved by reason.
They are real issues that I am incapable of doing anything about.
I don't talk to many people about these things because most of the responses I anticipate are "oh, it's just because you are pregnant" or "don't worry, I went through that when I was about to deliver"
and frankly that's not helpful at the moment. And ironically most of the things on my heart and mind have nothing to do with my daughter or my upcoming debut as mother.
So when I have days and moments like this and I don't feel comfortable revealing my heart to anyone, I am forced to go to my Savior. I don't know why he is often the last person on my go-to list when I am overwhelmed but I am ashamed to admit, He is. I think of praying, I hope he hears my heart and mind but choosing to run to him, fall on him and actually ask for His help, I don't do by instinct just yet. Writing it out sounds so gross and non-Christian. But it's true.
My mind races, my heart hurts, is uneasy is confused.
When in reality, when I am surrendered, those things are unnecessary.
When I choose to cast all of my overwhelmed-ness and my anxieties on him, he can then really care for me. Yes, he has a personal interest in me, no matter the status of my surrender but
when I hold onto these things I think I put that wall up again, not allowing him to truly care for me, meet my needs, to lighten my load, to perform miraculous works.
Just another facet of the quest for surrender and reliance on Christ, I suppose.
Be still, and know that I am God
Today I surrender my crazy mind and raw emotions.
I chose to know He is who He says He is and watch how He works.
I chose to be still.